This week I will be discussing a story called “What You Don’t Know” written by Lulu Wang about her own personal life and one major decision. She speaks on her family, and the elaborate plan they chose to make to keep someone ignorant. But that someone is not just anyone, it’s her own grandmother who is unaware of her diagnosis with stage 4 lung cancer. In China the doctors give bad news to family members rather than directly to the patient, especially if they're older. Her great aunt who got the results believed it was best to keep it a secret for NaiNai's sake. Her family must come together to keep this secret under wraps, despite Lulu’s conflicting feelings on being deceitful to NaiNai, her grandmother. They throw a "wedding banquet" for one of her family members when in actuality it is a goodbye party. We learn about her late grandfather Yeye, and how resilient NaiNai truly is. I will be then talking about my opinion and if I agree with the family’s choice to be dishonest. Finally, I will be revealing a story about when I had to make an important choice to tell someone a difficult truth.
Did you agree with the family's choice to deceive Wang's grandmother? I did not agree with the family’s choice to deceive Wang’s grandmother. NaiNai’s sister, her great aunt spoke of her belief in that mental and emotional health was linked to physical health which I agreed with. I also understood her worry of her sister feeling fear and becoming depressed. She was concerned that she would stop eating and sleeping, but more importantly lose interest in her own life. So, I can sympathize and fathom why they made the choice they did. But, I strongly believe everyone should be aware of any life-threatening illnesses that have to do with themselves. At the “wedding banquet” Lulu asks NaiNai’s niece Gugu "what if Nainai has things she wants to take care of?" "Like what," Gugu responded. I said, "I don't know. None of us do. That's my whole point." "No," Gugu said. She doesn't have anything like that. And that was the end of the discussion. This very short conversation they had holds so much importance and I shared the same question in my mind, as did Lulu. Later, Lulu found out that her grandfather Yeye who died of liver cancer also was ignorant to his sickness until the end. Three days after he succumbed to the cancer. Her father said that Yeye knew deep down, because sick people know when they’re dying. So, was lying to NaiNai really going to prolong her life, if she too knew of her illness? But at the peak of it all we learn from her great aunt that in 2007, six years before the lung cancer diagnosis, Nainai had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She wasn’t aware of that at all and neither was her dad or uncle. She had a mastectomy, and she'd been wearing a prosthetic breast for nine years. Nainai concealed this from our family and uncle's family not because she was ashamed, but so that we wouldn't worry. All this time that the family was lying to protect her, she had also put on a show to protect them. Turns out that NaiNai is a strong elderly woman that can handle much more than her own family. She’s been burdening a secret to spare her family of heartbreak, while she’s already been sick for six years. Her family doubted her ability of being able to cope with such a diagnosis, when she had already faced a strenuous battle with breast cancer and being alone through that entire journey. That worry of NaiNai losing interest to her life, wasn't going to be the case. She attended the "wedding banquet" and showed an abundance of interest in discussing Lulu's future. Lulu mentioned "while I struggled with the grief of saying goodbye, Nainai focused on the future, a future she assumed she'd be part of. When you get married, she told me, I'll have an even bigger wedding banquet for you. She also asked when I'd have a baby, saying that she was looking forward to holding my child." I believe Lulu Wang’s grandmother should have been told of her test results, because she was capable of hearing such news. Her will to live was much stronger than any diagnosis. Lulu told us how she would get sick to her stomach when she would engage with her NaiNai and feed her lies knowing the truth. In the end it worked out, she overcame breast cancer and I don’t believe it made a difference. Three years later she’s still alive and each family members have their own theories on what saved NaiNai. Although I agree with the Chinese belief called chongxi which means that you can wash away a misfortune with joy, I still stand strong in my own belief that they should have been honest with NaiNai. When have you made an important choice to tell someone a difficult truth or you made an important choice to tell a lie that had a major impact on you and/or someone else? I had an important choice to tell someone a difficult truth, which was also to my grandmother. She always comes over for dinners since she’s getting older and lives alone. She often forgets stories, conversations, etc. that we have with her so on occasion she will ask questions we have already told her the answer to. So, when my brother got arrested and was going to be spending a year in jail for a DUI I was unsure if I should tell her. My mom did not like to discuss it because it made her emotional and I was worried that my grandmother would forget and end up repeating the question a lot in front of my mom. I did not want to put anymore weight on the situation. So, I waited, and my grandmother would ask where my brother was and why he hasn’t been around to see her. After multiple encounters of her asking me, I finally told her the news. It was difficult, but it was also uncomfortable and sad to not speak up and keep her ignorant to the matter when she obviously deserved to know. I told her that he will be in jail until the summer and she was very shocked and upset by the situation however we talked it out and I know she appreciated being aware of his situation. She hasn’t asked that question since, and I feel like everyone benefited from a difficult truth that had to be said and acknowledged.
2 Comments
Sabatino
2/13/2018 09:47:36 am
Thanks for sharing this post. I appreciate the depth and thought you put into your argumentative response. You acknowledge the family's culture and belief system (you agree with their view of chongxi), yet you still disagree with their decision. That is fair. What belief system informed your opinion about this matter?
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Rebecca Stevens
2/13/2018 02:01:56 pm
Hi Sabatino!
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AuthorHi, I'm Rebecca Stevens and this is my blog for my English Composition I class! Through my blog posts, I hope to show you bits and pieces of my life and character. Archives
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